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12 months

2015- 2016 - otherwise known as the year things got hard.

Grandad died.

 Tom lost his fight with cancer.

 Cancer took my dad from me.

All within the space of 12 months. When so much is taken from you in such a short space of time, it's incredibly hard. I was very close with Grandad and still miss him terribly.

With Tom and my Dad... Hell... It doesn't matter that you know it's coming, it still tears a hole in your heart.

Being a parent to a young child who couldn't possibly understand grief and the loss of loved ones, I never really fell apart.

I don't know if it's strange, 4/5 years down the line, I found myself reflecting on them and really feeling that sense of loss. More so than ever.

I think I felt like I wasn't allowed to grieve, to fall apart, and didn't really deal with things.

Fast forward to 2019, an equally hard year for very different reasons. Again no option to fall apart, but this time I've dealt with things in a much healthier way. I've talked about what I could, I've focused on positive mental and physical attitude, made plans for the future and rectified environmental issues that had been dragging me down for years.

For the first time in a long time I'm feeling positive about the future.

2020 is going to be a different kind of 12 months. One which sees a healthy and happy me. If so much sadness can happen to you in 12 months, just imagine how much happiness you can make happen in that time.

Comments

  1. Stephen13 February 2020 at 17:51

    Grief hits you, you can't predict when, I struggled years after my parents passed when I realised I'd never introduce them to my Daughter - I didn't expect it, I didn't have a choice. My last 18 months have also been tough, friends help, pain eases with time but never forget it can come back. You are an amazing person, lovely writer and 2020 will be a wonderful year. Happines isn't found its created :) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tattymum13 February 2020 at 19:33

      Thanks for the comment Stephen, so very kind of you. Grief is a funny old thing eh? It affects everybody differently and we will have our own ways of doing and getting through things. Happiness is most definitely created, never wait for it to come to you.

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