Life is never as you planned it

I last blogged in September 2018.

I honestly hadn't realised it had been so long since I last wrote in here.

One thing that has become clear is that sometimes the life you plan and hope for is not the one you're going to get. Or at least it might not happen the way you think it's going to happen or when you think it will.

A lot of people are doing the ten year reflection, but for me, to simply reflect back to where I was when I last posted to today is enough. My life is almost unrecognisable in some ways and in others not different at all. I'm still a parent but the way I'm parenting is very different. There's still two parents but we are both dealing with our own battles, travelling our own paths while trying hard to keep our child at the heart of what we do.

Parenting a child when you're separated is a totally different ball game. I'm still trying to work out how to do this, how much to communicate and share, how much is too much, when is it too little? How much to be responsible for....

There's no winners right now, but I'm hopeful in time the three of us will be in a happier more stable place, independently.

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Reality check

My last post here was Mothering Sunday in March this year. Almost 4 months ago, and before that it had become very sporadic. I think it may well have been even longer since I put pen to paper and wrote in my journal for my own wellbeing tracker. I've fallen out of all my good habits and boy can I tell! I got weighed today.... I knew it wouldn't be good, but I've done it. 86.7 kgs at only 152 cms tall - that is not good. I've taken some other measurements too: neck - 37cms waist - 105cms hips - 125cms thighs - 66cms It stops now, those numbers.... I don't want to see them again. I can't afford to see them again. I feel sluggish, bloated, tired and lacking energy generally. I don't really know how I got here. I could blame lots of things, life has been busy, I have a child, I have a full time job, I've moved house. But the truth is, I could find 20 minutes every day to exercise. I have time to cook a fresh meal every day, and the days I don't, I have ...

Grabbing Opportunities

I absolutely love it when your plans are changed in the blink of an eye into something you wouldn't ordinarily do but which turn out to be even better. Today's plan was to drop D off at work, go buy a raincoat for O and head home. Very simple and not very exciting, but a plan that I actually felt a bit stressed out about. As I wandered around that large well known chain for baby and children clothes and supplies I heard a voice talking to me (not in my head, I hasten to add), and without even thinking turned around and said, "OK". It's one of those vague responses I tend to do when I'm not concentrating or haven't heard properly and I'm too embarrassed to explain I'm deaf and didn't hear. What had I just committed to? Apparently the photographer had a cancellation and I'd agreed to fill it. PANIC!!! I immediately questioned how much it would cost, and was pleased to hear it was free. Where's the catch I thought, and asked...

Yes Vs No

About 3 years ago I went from one extreme to another. A major incident in my life caused me to look at how thin I was spreading myself and the realisation that I needed to stop saying yes to everything. So I pretty much stopped saying yes to everything . One extreme to another. Things were going fine, lots more time to focus on me, my family and getting us all back on track, mentally and physically. But…. about 2 years later I re-evaluated this again. I had a bit of a realisation that by focusing so much on just me, my family and saying no to everything others asked of me that I was potentially depriving myself of really fun and life enhancing opportunities; and opportunities for others to share the burden in some cases. It speaks to two different things for me I think. One is the whole not wanting to be a burden to others, where I am slowly but surely realising I’m not a burden. People don’t offer help if they don’t want to. They’re just doing what I would do for them because we care ...

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