Yes Vs No

About 3 years ago I went from one extreme to another. A major incident in my life caused me to look at how thin I was spreading myself and the realisation that I needed to stop saying yes to everything. So I pretty much stopped saying yes to everything. One extreme to another.

Things were going fine, lots more time to focus on me, my family and getting us all back on track, mentally and physically.

But…. about 2 years later I re-evaluated this again. I had a bit of a realisation that by focusing so much on just me, my family and saying no to everything others asked of me that I was potentially depriving myself of really fun and life enhancing opportunities; and opportunities for others to share the burden in some cases.

It speaks to two different things for me I think. One is the whole not wanting to be a burden to others, where I am slowly but surely realising I’m not a burden. People don’t offer help if they don’t want to. They’re just doing what I would do for them because we care about one another. I’ve even learned to ask for help rather than assuming people will see through my smiling mask and see me struggling and offer assistance.

The other is my whole thing about sticking to a plan. I’ve pretty much chucked that out of the window. Those close to me will know how much I love a plan. Nothing felt better than knowing what was going to happen, when and how. But by being so rigid there are so many missed opportunities for fun, learning, challenges, laughter and properly living life.

Take this weekend for example, my Sunday plan consisted of just doing some grocery shopping and taking my son to a party. That was it. I was kind of thinking I might just get there, let my son go off and play laser quest and I’ll have a coffee and a natter with the parents. Not because I didn’t want to watch but because it’s in a restricted access, window-free play area, so I didn’t think I could.

All of a sudden Little Legs comes dashing over and pleads with me to join them at laser quest because they have 3 spare spaces and they were being offered to parents. Old me would have probably said no on the basis I was bloody knackered! (I was still feeling a bit shabby from my covid jab a few days before) But, I saw the look in my son’s eyes and saw the potential for a really fun opportunity I might not get again.

I can honestly say that saying yes to that gave me and my son one of our best memories yet. I’ve spent the last year or so saying yes to more and more things, just making sure that the things I say yes to add value to my life, or teach me something.

I spent 40 minutes being chased by 12 kids and 2 over eager dads reliving their youth. It was hilarious, only in this situation will it ever be acceptable for my son to say “Die mummy”, while diving out from behind a scenery board and firing his gun at my vest targets. I let him get a few shots in but then released my inner Rambo and went on the hunt!

We were all a sweaty mess afterwards, giggling and laughing. At bedtime I thanked Little Legs. Thanked him for asking me to join in, thanked him for the opportunity and the best day I’ve had with him in a very long time. He was so pleased, declared me the best mum ever and has asked that we do it again with some other friends and family. That’s a request I found it easy to say yes to.

Saying yes isn’t a bad thing, not putting yourself first is the bad thing. Sometimes saying yes is putting yourself first. You matter. Try saying yes a bit more to the things you’d ordinarily, instinctively turn down. You never know, you might just like it!