Reality check

My last post here was Mothering Sunday in March this year. Almost 4 months ago, and before that it had become very sporadic. I think it may well have been even longer since I put pen to paper and wrote in my journal for my own wellbeing tracker.

I've fallen out of all my good habits and boy can I tell! I got weighed today.... I knew it wouldn't be good, but I've done it.

86.7 kgs at only 152 cms tall - that is not good.

I've taken some other measurements too:

neck - 37cms

waist - 105cms

hips - 125cms

thighs - 66cms

It stops now, those numbers.... I don't want to see them again. I can't afford to see them again. I feel sluggish, bloated, tired and lacking energy generally.

I don't really know how I got here. I could blame lots of things, life has been busy, I have a child, I have a full time job, I've moved house. 

But the truth is, I could find 20 minutes every day to exercise. I have time to cook a fresh meal every day, and the days I don't, I have leftovers of healthy home cooked food in the freezer I can have.

So why?  I took my eye off the ball, I have felt rejected and worthless over the last few months to be honest and sadly I've let how others treat me affect how I treat myself. At the same time I stopped making time for the things I do which make me feel good about myself. The daily routine of writing my thoughts, my gratitudes, the positives has stopped at the same time. As such I no longer had my sense check to reflect on what was actually happening to help myself challenge my thinking or how others were making me feel.

Today my plans I was really looking forward to, fell apart. It was just one of those things. Lately, days like that have sent me into a spiral of eating crap, staying up too late and making myself feel thoroughly miserable.

Instead I took positive action, I decided to stick to my original plan, albeit by myself. I went to my new favourite coastal place and had a long swim, a read on the beach, and just generally relaxed.

After I got Little Legs home tonight I spent some time, just relaxing, eating some home cooked food, playing games with my son. Just being present and trying to switch off from any anxiety and worry.

While he was in the bath I dug out my exercise gear and got myself sorted for a long overdue training session. Standing in front of that TV with the video ready to go, I admit a moment of "urgh". But as soon as it started, I felt good. Man it was so hard, but I felt alive and happy. I forget how good exercise makes me feel.

I'm trying Chloe Ting's workouts on You Tube as recommended by some friends of mine. So far so good. The one I did tonight was an all body workout - I think I'm going to need to invest in some weights for home.

https://www.youtube.com/ChloeTingFullBodyWorkout

This rounded, bloated face is gonna be a thing of the past. Take a good look at it, cos it won't be here much longer.