Skip to main content

Body Image

Never before have I had such a contradiction in terms of my self body image.  I've never had much in the way of body confidence, and being pregnant and all the changes that brings has been somewhat difficult to get used to.

I'm fat.

I''m pregnant.

I'm fat.

I'm pregnant.

It's not helped by people I meet having an opinion on my size.  I can't tell you the amount of times I've had people tell me how small I seem, joking that maybe I'm not even pregnant; and then others who say how big I am and joke there must be more than one in there.

I laugh it off, and just focus on how I feel and what is happening to me.  This is my body, my pregnancy, and it would be stupid to try and compare myself against others experiences.  Every woman's pregnancy and body changes are different, they're unique.  They're hers.

I'm fat.

I'm pregnant.

I'm fat.

I'm pregnant.

It's weird how my perception changes depending on what view I'm seeing myself, and what wrigglebum is doing to me at the time.

I'm fat.  As I spend most of my day sat at my desk, or wandering the corridors of office life I only get to see my body looking down.  I no longer have feet.  I have a set of larger than ever boobs in an unflattering bra, and a bloated belly.

I'm pregnant.  Occasionally during the day I get to pass a window and catch a glimpse of myself in reflection and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.  I'm pregnant.  From that view I can see the clear outline of  a baby bulge.  It's not bloated, it's not fat, it's a wonder.  It actually makes me feel good, happy, content, and weirdly I feel kinda sexy!

I'm fat.  As I relax at home, and lay on the sofa, I look down and see my stomach.  It's all I see, and I regret eating that packet of Galaxy Counters the other night.  I'm so fat.  

I'm pregnant.  Then I feel wrigglebum on the move.  It squirms, it stretches, it pushes and lets me know it's there, it's growing, and it's a baby.  I'm pregnant.  I'm so pregnant.

So, the long and short of it, for the first time in my life I actually wish I owned a full length mirror.  One that I could carry with me all day, so that in those moments where I can't see my feet, I can look and see my baby.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Grabbing Opportunities

I absolutely love it when your plans are changed in the blink of an eye into something you wouldn't ordinarily do but which turn out to be even better. Today's plan was to drop D off at work, go buy a raincoat for O and head home.  Very simple and not very exciting, but a plan that I actually felt a bit stressed out about.  As I wandered around that large well known chain for baby and children clothes and supplies I heard a voice talking to me (not in my head,  I hasten to add), and without even thinking turned around and said,  "OK". It's one of those vague responses I tend to do when I'm not concentrating or haven't heard properly and I'm too embarrassed to explain I'm deaf and didn't hear.  What had I just committed to?  Apparently the photographer had a cancellation and I'd agreed to fill it.  PANIC!!! I immediately questioned how much it would cost,  and was pleased to hear it was free. Where's the catch I thought,  and asked...

Reality check

My last post here was Mothering Sunday in March this year. Almost 4 months ago, and before that it had become very sporadic. I think it may well have been even longer since I put pen to paper and wrote in my journal for my own wellbeing tracker. I've fallen out of all my good habits and boy can I tell! I got weighed today.... I knew it wouldn't be good, but I've done it. 86.7 kgs at only 152 cms tall - that is not good. I've taken some other measurements too: neck - 37cms waist - 105cms hips - 125cms thighs - 66cms It stops now, those numbers.... I don't want to see them again. I can't afford to see them again. I feel sluggish, bloated, tired and lacking energy generally. I don't really know how I got here. I could blame lots of things, life has been busy, I have a child, I have a full time job, I've moved house.  But the truth is, I could find 20 minutes every day to exercise. I have time to cook a fresh meal every day, and the days I don't, I have ...

Yes Vs No

About 3 years ago I went from one extreme to another. A major incident in my life caused me to look at how thin I was spreading myself and the realisation that I needed to stop saying yes to everything. So I pretty much stopped saying yes to everything . One extreme to another. Things were going fine, lots more time to focus on me, my family and getting us all back on track, mentally and physically. But…. about 2 years later I re-evaluated this again. I had a bit of a realisation that by focusing so much on just me, my family and saying no to everything others asked of me that I was potentially depriving myself of really fun and life enhancing opportunities; and opportunities for others to share the burden in some cases. It speaks to two different things for me I think. One is the whole not wanting to be a burden to others, where I am slowly but surely realising I’m not a burden. People don’t offer help if they don’t want to. They’re just doing what I would do for them because we care ...