Skip to main content

Body Image

Never before have I had such a contradiction in terms of my self body image.  I've never had much in the way of body confidence, and being pregnant and all the changes that brings has been somewhat difficult to get used to.

 I'm fat.

 I''m pregnant.

 I'm fat.

 I'm pregnant.

 It's not helped by people I meet having an opinion on my size.  I can't tell you the amount of times I've had people tell me how small I seem, joking that maybe I'm not even pregnant; and then others who say how big I am and joke there must be more than one in there.

 I laugh it off, and just focus on how I feel and what is happening to me.  This is my body, my pregnancy, and it would be stupid to try and compare myself against others experiences.  Every woman's pregnancy and body changes are different, they're unique.  They're hers.

 I'm fat.

 I'm pregnant.

 I'm fat.

 I'm pregnant.

 It's weird how my perception changes depending on what view I'm seeing myself, and what wrigglebum is doing to me at the time.

 I'm fat.  As I spend most of my day sat at my desk, or wandering the corridors of office life I only get to see my body looking down.  I no longer have feet.  I have a set of larger than ever boobs in an unflattering bra, and a bloated belly.

 I'm pregnant.  Occasionally during the day I get to pass a window and catch a glimpse of myself in reflection and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.  I'm pregnant.  From that view I can see the clear outline of  a baby bulge.  It's not bloated, it's not fat, it's a wonder.  It actually makes me feel good, happy, content, and weirdly I feel kinda sexy!

 I'm fat.  As I relax at home, and lay on the sofa, I look down and see my stomach.  It's all I see, and I regret eating that packet of Galaxy Counters the other night.  I'm so fat.  

 I'm pregnant.  Then I feel wrigglebum on the move.  It squirms, it stretches, it pushes and lets me know it's there, it's growing, and it's a baby.  I'm pregnant.  I'm so pregnant.

 So, the long and short of it, for the first time in my life I actually wish I owned a full length mirror.  One that I could carry with me all day, so that in those moments where I can't see my feet, I can look and see my baby.

Comments

Post a Comment

I love comments, please do leave feedback and a username for your preferred social media so I can get back in touch.

Popular posts from this blog

Evacuate the pool - we have a floater!

'They' don't tell you about the awkward 'shituations' you find yourself in when your toddler is just getting used to using the toilet. In one single day I found myself: scurrying out of a public swimming pool while attempting with my bare hand to stop the poo escaping from his arse (failed) 3 times at a kids party taking said poo bum toddler to the toilet to clean his shitty pants. Realising I'd forgotten the sodding wipes and the bag for the shitty stinking underwear which I hastily shoved in my handbag (thank heavens for compartments although I'm sure everyone who came near me must have thought I'd shit myself) Pointed at my Poohead toddler standing in the middle of the party straining with such concentration to push his poo out and shouted "yep he's mine". Later watching him waddling along and telling another parent he was practising his John Wayne impression.  We were at a fancy dress party after all (shame he was dressed as ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Countdown to D Day

Today is the day before my due date.  As I've progressed through this pregnancy I've had the pleasure of getting to know other mums-to-be, some of who I just know will be part of my life for many years to come. It seems as each day passes and I get closer and closer to meeting Wrigglebum, those friends I've made are all having their babies. Of course I'm so pleased for them, but I'm starting to get impatient now. I always said that I expected to be overdue, and unless something happens quickly today/tomorrow I'm thinking I'm right! Midwife appointment today confirmed my suspicion of a growth spurt, and baby has grown 4 cms in the last fortnight!  That seems massive to me.  We were talking at my appointment about what weight baby might be, and of course length is not an indicator of weight, but my lovely midwife reckoned it might be at the top end of 7 pounds.   My initial guess on the board at work was 7lb 8oz I think with a due date of 27 March.... ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Feeling human

One thing I've done since I was a teenager is colour my hair. That's still the case, but in my late twenties I started to play around with my look and started adding pink and purple and blue into my hair. Not huge amounts, just a few strands. But it didn't feel enough. Then in 2006 I received a diagnosis which completely changed my outlook on life. I stopped holding back and decided to just go for it. I dyed my whole head atomic pink. I loved it, but never felt comfortable with the attention it seemed to get. While I'm chatty and bubbly and will talk to anyone, I'm not massively confident and don't feel comfortable being the centre of attention. At work I found myself interacting with more senior staff members and I wanted to be taken seriously.  I never really believed people saw past the hair. Consequently, I gradually started toning things down. Looking at old photos recently I realised I really missed it. The hair made me feel like I was being true to ...
Post a Comment
Read more